Revelation of the Week: Equal Access

Throughout this week, and a few prior, the term “access” kept finding its way into my conversations. I’d be talking with someone about this thing and to another about that thing; yet no matter the situation or person, I’d say, hear, or think of the word.

By definition, access means a variety of things. Let’s take a look at a few. It can mean:

1. a means of approaching or entering a place.
2. an attack or outburst of an emotion.
3. obtain, examine, or retrieve (data or file)
4. permission, liberty, or ability to enter, approach, or pass to and from a place, or to approach or communicate with a person or thing.
5. freedom or ability to obtain or make use of something
   

For quite some time, I’d spent time praying to God concerning a specific matter, and just moments ago, He allowed me to see Him in a new light.

Much of the revelation God gives me, though it comes in many forms, often stem from relationships I’ve had with family, friends, personal, business, and the like. There was a particular relationship, that had been blossoming for a number of months for me. Where the two of us stood, with one another, was still being decided; but I had an idea of where I wanted things to go.

It was quite exciting. I felt many things, in getting to know this young man; Intrigue, security, challenge, inspiration, motivation, just to name a few. It seemed the more vested I became, the broader the pathway to my heart, mind, and soul became. So much so, that I began to think, “If only, he knew just how much access he has to me.”

Though it took some time, to profess such things, God patiently waited for the perfect opportunity to teach me yet another lesson in Love. At the utterance of that statement, my mind began to wonder. I thought of all the ways, this guy had been granted access into my life.

I love imagery, so let’s give a metaphoric example of what I mean.

Have you ever played a game? In this game, there are certain aspects of each level that is locked, hidden, and are outside of your reach. For each treasure, (which is what you’d typically find) you have to either:

1. Discover and Take the secret passageway
2. Defeat the enemy, who is holding captive the very thing you’re in search for
3. Obtain a specific amount of a certain item to exchange for that treasure

There are many other ways, in which games, grant access to “Legendary” creatures, “Hidden” treasures, or “Bonus” features. Anyhow, to me, he’d successfully gained access to many of the things I’d kept hidden from all others. What was most shocking, however, was the fact that with him, I wasn’t afraid. I was open to the closeness with him. I was willing, although apprehensive at times, to embrace it and him. So much so, that a deeper longing began to awaken.

I began to long intimacy with him. I wanted to know him. I wanted to be around him. I cherished the days we did spend together, and when he was away I reminisced over the things we talked about. I looked for ways to be more available to him. I searched for ways to be helpful. Not only that, but I also looked for ways I could be a distraction or hinderance to him. What I truly desired was to genuinely get to know him and be there for him, even if that meant to not be there.

The more time passed, the greater my desires became; and the greater my desires became, the more I began to understand. I could literally see, that though I’d opened myself to him, he was totally oblivious to just how much. Maybe, he wasn’t. But from my perspective, I believe had he known just what doors had unlocked before him, he would have moved differently.

As these thoughts kept coming, God began to unscramble the point. I began to understand beyond my own thoughts. Suddenly, things began to make sense. I vividly remember God placing me in that young man’s position, and himself in mine. Though we know His love and intimacy is perfect, He used me to exemplify Him, simply because I knew the beauty awaiting him, had he chosen to walk through the doors that were no longer unlocked.

Granted, though I realize, such things are more subjective than objective, and people have the choice to decide what they find beautiful, of value, and beneficial to them; I’m solely speaking from a place of personal experience, thought, and revelation. So don’t hear (read) what I’m not saying.

It was and has been my desire, for that young man to not just realize such access, but to also accept and willingly take hold to what that means. For him to explore and navigate through the complexities of love and grow with me, no matter where it might lead us. I waited patiently for the moments he would notice. Sometimes I would drop little hints and clues to certain aspects of the process, hoping he’d catch hold of them. However, whether he did or not, accepted it or not, I allowed it to be his decision without interference.

It was and has been quite difficult to endure. Especially when your truest desire, is to respect and honor someone’s ability to choose.

Even as I type, I keep understanding more of the nature of God’s love and kindness. His ability to be patient and merciful. His persistence and dedication. Everything about the pursuit of and giving of one’s love. God reminded me, how I hadn’t fully embraced the access I’d been given, as His. That there were things I was privy to because He’d claimed me, as His own, at the moment I believed the Word of Truth.

He began to remind me of the doors that had been unlocked to me, but still went unrecognized and left closed. He reminded me of the gentle nudging He’d given me to go deeper into intimacy with Him, and that in doing so, there was revelation and insight into things I didn’t previously have. He opened my mind to conceptualize the beauty of wonder and imagination. In the tiniest way, he communicated a portion of His desire for me.

Can you relate? Has there ever been someone in your life, who’d obtained favor with you and didn’t know it? Has someone walked into your life and found many of the secret things of your life, but it didn’t scare you? Have you ever just wanted to purely give your time, affections, and attention to a specific person and they’re unaware?

If you have, use that experience how God unveiled it to me! Swap places with the person of your interest and allow God to be you. Can you in the smallest way, see now just a fragment of His desire for you to come closer?

There are so many things to unpack with how I felt, but when I was placed in his shoes, I could also think of many things that garnered restraint!

Things such as:

1. Fear
2. Previous experiences
3. Lack of Confidence
4. Feelings of unworthiness
5. Feeling unprepared/not ready
6. Unwillingness to let go of old comforts
7. Failure

If this is true for you too, listen to the words of Scripture, God’s Word to Joshua (1:9)

“Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not be terrified or dismayed (intimidated), for the Lord your God is with you wherever you go.” -AMP

I know there are millions of uncertainities and reasons as to why not, or the traumas of “the past,” but if GOD HAS TRULY SPOKEN, you only need 1 reason as to why!

Hold on. He does care for you!